So, I’m thinking about coming out to my girls. First let me explain our friendship.
We met in college. In the cafeteria (affectionately called da cafe). We lived in the same dorm. One Sunday, I was eating lunch alone and V said, “hey don’t you live in our hall. Come eat with us”. Life has never been the same. We starting hanging out. Our friendship developed quickly. One Sunday a guest preacher really spoke to our hearts and we started calling ourselves ‘da divine divas.’
The divas and I are the quintessential girl group. There are four of us. We have wildly different backgrounds. On the surface, we shouldn’t even be friends. People often ask us what we have in common. These are my girls. We used to have Sunday dinner together. First, in the cafe. Later, in our apartments. We played board games together. We drank together. We clubbed together. They know everything about me. Well, almost everything.
We’ve been friends 8 years. I hate keeping secrets from them. They have seen me at worst. I have no shame with them. Hell, how could I. When I was broke they stole food from the cafe for me. When I was sick they nursed me back to health. I’ve cleaned up their throw up after a night of partying a little too hard! When my grandma passed away they drove to the back woods of Georgia to be with me. I love these girls.
So, what am I afraid of? I am afraid of losing my friends. I am afraid of losing my girls. Ironically, as much as I know about them, I don’t know how they feel about lesbians cause it never came up. If there is anybody in my life I could tell, it would be them. I can’t tell my family. I can’t tell any of my other friends (they are all in ministry and we know how they think). If I can’t tell da divas, then I’m doomed to be in this world by myself.
My girls are the shit. (sorry I have a bit of a potty mouth considering I’m a preacher and all) I figure if we are as good of friends as I think we are then, it won’t matter. I love them regardless and I think they feel the same way. What do you think? I’m confused and conflicted and it
Makes. No. Sense.
Foxy,
ReplyDeleteIt's always scary coming out to people. I'm always very careful about it. The first thing I ask myself is why am I coming out to whomever it is and why now.
I think the important thing is to find some support for yourself. Maybe you can reach out to a lesbian organization in your area. They usually have talk groups and things like that. That way when you decide to tell your friends you will have support no matter how it turns out.
yea, support is hard to come by (given my profession and all) which is why i wanna come out to my girls.
ReplyDeleteLet me say first, I was excited when I read your blog, my mom is a evangelist so I grew up a PK and OMG! I am glad you decided to blog, its actually refreshing to me. I am from the south as well, and just decided to try the blogging thing myself (although I really didn't know anything about it).
ReplyDeleteI told my girls in a conference call, all 5 of them. I was so high on the love in my new found relationship I just blurted it out, I took the "take it or leave it attitude" (so blind, and so wrong). Just take it slow, you know how church people can be. But you owe it to yourself to know. When you tell your friends everything, its hard not to tell them the most intimate parts of your life. Its a struggle, I won't lie about that but I am glad I told them.