tears

I can't stand to see a woman cry, especially if she is my woman. I'm not talking about those fake alligator tears. I'm talking real, genuine I'm hurting tears. It breaks my heart every time. I just want to wrap her in my arms and tell her it's gonna be okay. It's like a part of me feels the hurt that she feels and I just want to make the pain go away.

Maybe it's because I have had to deal with so much pain and heartache in my life, that I have become overly sympathetic and empathetic to the plight of women. Maybe it's because I see myself and women important to me in every woman I meet and that makes me want to protect them. Maybe it's because I love women. Whatever it is, it's there and it's prevalent.

I know this seems a bit random, but there is a method to my madness. Last night Secret and I watched Nighline on ABC. It was the 'Secrets of Your Mind' episode about love. This sparked a conversation about loving through sickness and tragedy. We had a conversation earlier in the week about advance directives and health care power of attorney because I have to do both for my job.

I guess all of this put Secret in a mood. When we went to hang up, I heard her voice crack. At first, I thought I was imagining it but my girlfriend senses were tingling. So, I asked her if she was okay. She said she was fine and then rushed me off the phone. I decided to back off and give her some room. I couldn't say something was wrong, but I knew something was definitely not right.

I gave her 20 minutes, then we had the following text conversation.

Me: Please just tell me you are okay.
Her: Yes. I just hate hanging up with you at night. It makes me so sad.
Me: Me too baby. Soon we will just roll over.
Her: I know. I am sensitive right now though.
Me: I know. I love you girl. *kiss*
Her: I love you too baby. *kiss*

I knew she was still crying and there was nothing I could do about it. Her tears choked me up. The protector in me couldn't protect her. The comforter in me couldn't take the pain away. I couldn't even be there to dry her tears. And that, I think, hurt me the most. Long distance relationships really, really suck! This helpless feeling

Makes. No. Sense.