long distance relationships suck

I don't know how folks do it! I mean long term, like military husbands and wives. Maybe I'm just being a girl, but I really miss Secret. Maybe it's because school is about to start so she'll be busy with that and my new job is about to start. Maybe it's because I've been very *ahem* stimulated these past couple of weeks. Whatever it is, it sucks rocks!

When Secret and I talk at night, at least one of us says 'I wish you were here.' Every time she says it, it pulls at my heart strings. I wish I could jump through the phone. I just want to take her in my arms and squeeze. I just want to kiss her. Snuggle up close to her and fall asleep in her arms. Damn, I miss her.

She said something last night that caused me to pause. It made me feel some kinda way. We were about to get off the phone because she was dozing off. She asked me if she was neglecting me. I told her no. Then, she said it. She said 'Don't give my love away. I will take care of you.' Wow! I know that she didn't mean it like I took it, but damn.

The wind was kinda knocked out of my chest. I felt like I haven't been taking care of her. I felt like I have allowed some doubt, some wondering, some questioning to enter into her mind. Maybe I'm not as good a girlfriend as I like to think I am. I wish I could reassure her, but that's hard as hell to do some 900 miles away.

I wish I could look in her eyes, hold her hands, and tell her that I don't want to be with anyone else but her. I wish she could look in my eyes and see that I mean what I say. It hurts me that I may be hurting her. There are some things I need to do to reassure her and those will be done by the week's end.

One huge step I took was throwing away the panties of past conquests. Yes, I kept their panties. Don't judge me! Okay, you can judge a little bit. The next step is to delete phone numbers. The final step is to email Casino and tell her we are not friends so please stop asking me for favors. This comes as a result of an email I got from Casino yesterday.

I just wish I was coming home to Secret every night. I wouldn't have to worry about her eating right and taking her medicine because I would be cooking for her. I wouldn't have to worry about her having gas in her car and making sure it gets an oil change because I would do that for her. Most importantly, I wouldn't have to worry about her peace of mind because I would be there with her every night loving on her.

I once asked someone 'how do you know when a person is the one.' They responded 'if you have to ask, they ain't it.' I don't have to ask. The old adage is true. When it comes to 'the one', you just know. I know she is it. Distance and time is killing me and it

Makes. No. Sense.