rambling

"The reality, Foxy, is that you are 27 years old. You are not still tryna make it."

Wow.

Damn.

This is something Shortcake said in the midst of our conversation a couple of nights ago. It was one of those heavy conversations. She said a lot of things that made me think. I got a lot of stuff on my mind right now. But this...this really took the wind out of my sails.

I don't know how many of you come from not so idealistic backgrounds but for those of us who did the only thing we can think about is 'making it.' Yet, most of us have no idea what 'it' is, much less how to 'make it'. What exactly is 'it'? Is 'it' out? Then the question becomes out of what and into what?

Seem silly? Have you ever seen a sista acting a certain way in a certain place and thought 'you can take a girl out the hood, but you can't take the hood out the girl.' Tell me you haven't thought it. At least once. What if she is still tryna make it but has no idea what it is?

I mean, who's going to tell her 'baby girl, it's okay. You are not where you used to be.' Those who know her history are mad and probably thinks she's a sellout. Those who know her present probably don't know her past. So, she's doing what she's always done. I mean, that's what got her where she is today, right?

We all have our survival tactics. You know, that stuff you do when life hands you a platter of bullshit. My survival tactic was to create an alternate reality. I could not look at life and see it for what it was. I had to lie to myself and then I had to believe the lie I told. I had to literally create my own little world.

Living in my world worked. It got me through the jacked up situations in my life. Looking back, that tactic started falling apart in college. I could have saved myself a lot of headache and heartache if I had seen things for what they were rather than what I wanted them to be.

Looking at things for what they are sucks. I mean, it's not always the prettiest picture. Yet, this is a very necessary survival tactic. No one wants to be thought of as naive and foolish but seeing what you wanna see often leaves one wearing that tag.

I know Shortcake is right. I know that I need to change my survival tactic. Because now that I have 'made it', I have to be able to maintain it. The mind is so powerful. The Bible says to '...be transformed by the renewing of your mind....' Sounds so simple, but it is quite difficult. I'm sure this post

Makes. No. Sense.