where is mother sister?

If y'all will allow me to take a pause from my lovey-dovey posts, I got something I need to get off my chest. A mini rant, if you will. Okay, so I read all of y'alls blogs religiously. Each blog speaks to a different part of who I am. I read Black n Bougie everyday. This particular blog tends to give me nuggets to think about and speaks to several facets of who I am. Anyway, way back in December or January, OneChele asked what we wanted in 2010. I asked that older sistas show the younger sistas some love. The ladies of BougieLand responded back with a resounding 'we got your back.'

Fast forward many posts and many comments later, we arrive at Lessons Learned Week. I view each post as OneChele (as an older sister) sharing the ups and downs of her life. I imagine this happening while out shopping or over a meal or in the car. But Lessons Learned Week, strikes me as different. I imagine these conversations as being intentional. As being sit down, heart-to-heart, hear-me-good conversations. Conversations that I need to have at this juncture in my life.

I would like to think that I'm fairly well put together. I'm holding it together. It might be with spit and a shoe string but dammit it's together. But, I understand that wisdom comes with experience. I understand the need and importance of having folk older (just slightly) than me in my life and pouring into my life. Having these folk share their stories and the lessons they learned, could save me from much pain and heartache. I mean there is no better teacher than experience, right? But, who says it has to be my experience.

I say all that to say 'where are you?' Where are those older sistas pouring into the lives of younger ones? I have the blessing and curse of being the eldest child. That means, I don't have an older sister to run to and glean from. So, who do I turn to? I guess I should tell you what prompted all this. I find myself in a situation where I really, really like somebody. I want to make sure that I don't mess this up. I have all these feelings and I don't know what they mean. I have so many questions and yet no one to ask. There were folks I could go to, until I got outed.

Don't get me wrong, I know there are sistas who are actively investing into the lives of other sistas. I guess my question really is 'where are mine?' I mean I got my girls, but they are my age. What I need is wisdom. Where are the sistas that are willing to pour their experience and knowledge into me? I have this relationship that I want to be smart with and cultivate and no one to talk out my feelings, emotions, and concerns with.

If I believe the hype, the women I'm looking form are out making money, buying houses, vacationing around the world, and desperately trying to find a man to marry. But, I don't believe the hype. Anywho, I feel like I'm rambling. I'm sure I'm in left field on this one and what I'm feeling

Makes. No. Sense.