i got baby fever....

What the hell!? I don't understand. I really don't. But, I have baby fever (well, maybe not a fever, but a baby cold!) I guess I do understand where this is coming from...let me explain.

I have always been good with babies. Due to having older cousins, I was babysitting around 10 years old so they could go out with friends and stuff. I rather enjoyed it. This wasn't some 4-5 hours at a time. I mean, they would leave the baby with me and not come back until some time the next day, usually a Saturday.

Granted, my Grandmother was in the house. All in all, I really enjoyed being with the kids. I spent many a weekend babysitting. I would keep my younger cousins kids when I came home from college on break. Even though I like being with kids, I have never felt that 'urge'. You know, like my ovaries never jumped.

I could pass a baby and be like 'oh, it's cute' and keep it moving. Being a mom was not on my list of things to do. I never saw myself as a mom, like I didn't think I had what it took to raise a productive citizen. I'm so afraid I would screw the kid up. But, then something happened. When I went home last month, I was hanging out with my cousins (most of which have kids).

Well, my next in line cousin has a six month old. She took to me like a fish to water. She had that 'new baby smell' and, though I didn't feel my ovaries jump, I felt my heart jump. I started to think that I may actually be able to raise a kid and not completely screw it up. I mean millions of women are doing it everyday, right??

Then, having someone I want to spend the rest of my life with makes me wanna build a life together. I mean I want to settle down and do the whole family thing. I got the girl. I got the dog. Now, I want the kid. Well, not right away, but yall get my drift. Then, there is my health. At 28, I would like to say that I am a completely healthy being.

For the most part I am, but, I do have an aliment of the reproductive system. I am slowly (and painfully) losing my ability to reproduce. I have endometriosis and it is pretty bad. I have been holding on to my fertility. It is getting hard though. My last period was so painful that I couldn't work.

So, I have been trying to hold on until 30 but, if the pain continues to increase, I may not. I guess knowing that I am losing my ability to make a little one is bearing down on me. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm 28 and all my younger cousins got crumb snatchers!! I don't know what it is...maybe I caught it from Secret. Yea, I'm going with that! So, my baby cold is Secret's fault and it

Makes. No. Sense.