They say confession is good for the soul. But I ask you, my lovely blog readers, is confession good for the relationship? I mean, really. Is it? The age old dilemma of what to share and what not to share has plagued us since the beginning of time. Hell, it even confounded folks in the Bible. Go check...it's in there. I'll wait.
As adults, we try to have adult relationships. Well, I kinda take that back. With some of the stuff I've read on various blogs and seen on those damned court shows, some folk are out there doing whatever. So, I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume (yes, I know what they say about assuming) that all of my blog readers are either in adult relationships or are pursuing them.
So, what exactly does that mean? Adult relationship? Good question. I can't say that I have a good answer. Rather, it seems such a question only garners more questions. Well, it has been repeated that the key to a good relationship is communication. So, does that mean in an adult relationship the two parties have no secrets? That they can talk about any and everything? That there is no place too dark for them to venture? No question that can not be asked and honestly answered?
That looks really good on paper, but how does that work in practice? Is it even theoretically sound? Can I honestly say that I am willing to let a person all the way into my life, including my deepest, darkest crevices. Am I willing to let someone see the skeletons in my closet? Am I willing to be that venerable? Am I willing to take the risk that something in my past may not sit well with someone I want to be with?
Can my heart and mind take that kind of exposure? As I sit and reflect on these questions, I am replaying a conversation I had with Secret. She spoke openly and honestly with me about something from her past. She laid bare before me, exposing parts of herself that even her mother has not seen. It was a humbling experience. It took so much for her to even go there and then stay there as she replayed and relived these experiences.
I listened to her crumble under the weight of these experiences. I listened to her tears and was moved. I wanted more than anything to assure her, to hold her, to remind her that my feelings for her are because of who she is today. She thought that my feelings for her would change. And they did...just not how she thought they would.
I have so much more respect for her. I realize just how amazing she is and how she played the hand she was dealt to the best of her ability. She is truly a wonderful person and I count myself lucky to know her. I am blessed to have her in my life. She is the epitome of making lemonade when life hands you lemons.
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18 (NIV)
The best is yet to come and that
Makes. No. Sense.
In terms of being in a relationship and getting the skeletons out of the closet--- it's great there is no better way to start a relationship than openness and honesty...but sometimes during the course of a long term relationship I think that some things are better left unsaid... I would elaborate on my point but that would be me talking a little too much:)
ReplyDeleteI think it's very important to communicate about things openly. I think even into the relationship I want to know what's going on. Even if it may hurt me, I would prefer to be given the opportunity and the choice to work through it or not work through it. I think when I find out something from someone else that I should have heard from my spouse, it only makes working through the situation that much harder. So, for me, it's best to bring it all out.
ReplyDeleteI was just talking about this with a potential boo. I'm all for privacy. I believe that people need to keep certain things to themselves...
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