Le. Big. Ass. Sigh.
Lately, I have been feeling like a big ass trashcan. It is not a good feeling. There are people in my life that have been dumping on me and dumping on me. For whatever reason, I keep taking it and taking it. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe it's because I consider the people friends. But whatever the reason, my tolerance is growing smaller by the second.
By profession, I get dumped on for eight hours a day. People don't call the chaplain when they have good news to share, only when they are stressed and distressed. So, the last thing I feel I need is people dumping on me in my personal life. Yet, it happens. I don't know how to stop it. I would like more than anything to tell the world to eff off.
When I sat down and thought about it, I don't have anyone in my daily life that is edifying me. I just have people taking from me and dumping on me. I am starting to hate the phrase "so, how about..." because I know a long diatribe is coming. I stress when my friends stress. Even more when I know they are wanting counsel and advice from me.
I have nobody in my daily life that I can just be me around. Can I please be Fox? Just Fox. Not Rev Fox. Not Chaplain Fox. Just Fox. Can I have somebody ask about my day and actually listen for the answer? I feel like everybody wants something from me. Sometimes I just wanna be left alone.
What I hear from these conversation is "I need, I need, I need", so I try to give and give. But, as I tweeted on Friday, I am running on vapor. There is something wrong with being so dead tired and emotionally spent that I am going to bed at 7:00p. The really sad and disturbing part is that I wake up exhausted too. My mind is so busy that my sleep isn't restful.
The balance in my life is off and this libra can't take it. I crave peace and balance. I'm so much on edge that even my dog tip-toes around me. I'm not carrying good energy. Like now, I wanna be sleep and my eye lids are heavy. However, my mind is racing. One day, I'm gonna grow enough balls to turn my phone off and go off the grid for a day because this shit
Makes. No. Sense.
I have so been in this place! I actually wrote a post called "Captain Save the World" because I was literally the go-to person for everyone. Not to mention, none of these people cared to see about me. Amazingly and to no surprise, people are extremely self absorbed. Those same people are attracted to people such as ourselves, who will sit and listen to them pour over and over their own issues, as we internally battle over our own. *sigh* Best wishes!
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